Pratt, "There's a college there" KS

My college bud, SteveO, thanks you for the $ and, no, you can't get it back!!!

oy - I just had steak last night. I am cutting back on meat- red meat especially. YOur post helps with that idea....Let's eat that prarie grass!

So confused. Love steak. Hate to hear about the cattle. I thought beef came from supermarkets. You've ruined my ignorants bliss.

Gents, last time I was in Kansas it didn't treat me too well either. I was driving down I-70 West and a F-5 twister blew my Saturn, with a body kit, right off the road into a ditch. I had to escape because fuel was leaking all over me and I know that if lightning struck, that would be the end of me for sure. Just as I cut the safety belt with a piece of glass that was stuck in my leg, only cm away from my femoral artery mind you, it began to hail and hail it did! Pieces about the size of baseballs where being hurled down at me by God himself!! Fortunately, as I began to run a stampede of wild horses began flanking me, so without hesitation I ran right up next to it, whispered, "It's okay, I'm your friend out here" and mounted it bareback. About 173 feet from an overpass, just as the F-5 was barring down on me and the pack of wild horses were being sucked up one by one, and this is where people start to doubt my story, Sacajawea appeared next to me and told me to always follow my heart and the path that Nature lays out for me, and to "never let the white man get you down." Keeping that advice in mind, I mustered the energy to face the twister. I told Patches (the horse's name on which I rode; I knew, for he had introduced himself to Sacajawea when she appeared) that all would be well with him and his progeny, and did a backflip dismount, turning 180 degrees in mid-air, so as to be square with the furious funnel as I stuck the landing. (This is where the details get a little fuzzy, as the infused instinct granted me by Sacajawea took over). At a certain point, the tornado stopped dead in its tracks, perhaps tired from having utterly mutilated what was once an overpass. At first, I thought to myself: "Self, you should kill it with kindness." So I attempted to embrace the storm. Mind you, this was not an emotional moment, but rather a calculated meteorological endeavor, whereby I hoped to use the warmth of my snuggle to regulate the distemperate airs which had caused the F-5 in the first place. Though no one who's ever tried such a maneuver needs to be told this, the hug was unsuccessful. Taken up into the whirlwind, I now had no choice but to find and destroy the heart of beast. Deep inside a tornado, one encounters labyrinthine passages filled with the refuse of an unkempt agrarian society calling out to be restored to its former glory. In my own journey, I found two mice which had fallen into a bucket of the thickest cream, and who had just given up on life and prayed the Good Lord and Our Blessed Lady to guide their mousy souls to heaven when the twister had freed them from their plight. Interpreting this sudden freedom as a sign of Yahweh's favor, they had resolved not to despair over the fact that they were now caught up in a freaking F-5 tornado, but rather to help anyone who passed by their way. Long story short (as Shakespeare twice wrote), I had two new Sidekicks. The actual passage to the heart of the twister was much like being in one of those huge ball pits you find at a children's resturaunt. Part of you thinks "this is incredible" while the other, more germophobic side of you is screaming, "get me the H out of here!" And that's when it hit me! I had to serenade this F-5 with a little Justin Bieber. I knew that by singing Baby, it would drop it down to at least a managable F-3 at which point the well-respected Turner-Færnsgœrph technique would dispell it immediately. In the process of the serenade though, just before the Ludacris verse, my cell phone rang. Since the ringtone was obviously SUBG, I was forced to improvise the greatest mashup since the Grey Album, with the two mice filling in a badass bass line and echo effect. They gave so much of their tiny souls that they died upon completion of the last chorus. But it worked! The twister became confused by the sweetness of our melodies and immediately understood that what it was doing to my peoples was wrong. When it finally set me down, I was in Kanorado, KS, a scant 0.8 mile from the border. So, despite the loss of my car, my horse friend, and the mice, I made it through Kansas alive. But I'm sure your 4 flat tires were quite the downer maybe try making a potion next time...

Y'all need to stay in Kansas...it's one of the best states in the US up there with Cali and Wisconsin! And keep killin' those dumb beasts that taste like gold! I LOVE BEEF!

That was a terribly depressing post about slaying animals. You guys need to get far far away from Kansas!